The New SFPT and the New Reality

Safe to say, the thrill is done.  I just don't care anymore.  The flame has been extinguished.  Whatever love I had for poker, especially as for the idea of it being something I want to focus a good deal of my time and energy on, has disappeared.

It's hard to say exactly why I feel this way, but the first thought that comes to mind is that there's no one that wants to go on the journey with me.  If I wanted it bad enough, I could do it alone, and the fact that I'm not willing to go it alone tells me I don't want it bad enough.  That realization is enlightening, and oddly gives me a sense of relief.  From the beginning, it felt forced, but I chalked that up to the fact that it was something almost completely new to me.  In hindsight, I should have known better.  I'm just glad I came to that realization before too much more time had passed.

I do want to keep playing casually, which is one of the reasons this blog, my tracking spreadsheets, and the SFPT in general will not completely go away.  (For the SFPT specifically, hanging out with my friends and Add-Ons for Ally are the main reasons). Poker is still fun on a certain level, but I could tell when I was playing in the most recent SFPT that it's not as fun as it once was.  I was donking off chips with almost every pot, and not focusing as I am wont to do.  But this time, when I realized my lack of focus, my reaction was NOT to regain it.  It was literally, a shrug and "oh well".

Perhaps my desire to play will be bolstered by playing less frequently.  That idea makes me glad I changed the SFPT get-togethers to every other month (the stated reasons on the Facebook page being, of course, the primary ones). 

I have also made a few non-SFPT related changes, beginning with clearing out my Twitter feed and Facebook Likes of almost all poker-related content.  The only ones I kept were ones that were also following me, or people who are interesting on levels other than poker. 

It's good, I think, that I have made these decisions.  Spending so much time on poker, not so much the playing but watching, reading, and thinking, was taking too much of my time on a selfish pursuit.

10K update: 2.25 home game hours, 144.75 total home game, 256.25 total